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How to Make A Big Change

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"I feel like I'm running out of time and need to do something now."

I remember feeling this way; I was by most accounts successful, making good money, doing life well—yet feeling like the things I was pouring my time and energy into weren't satisfying. I knew there was something more and I didn't feel like I had time to waste. Years had been going by. I needed to take action. And that's where I got stuck. I know lots of y'all do too. I've got some next right steps for ya when you find yourself feeling like you MUST go another direction but you don't know HOW to move in any direction. #progresscoaching

Ready for a big change?

Tell me all about it.

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OK, we’re live! I was doing my pre-countdown dance. I get a 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and I never, ever know what to do. So, just do a little awkward dance!

Hiiiii. How’s it going? It’s Friday and we’re talking about how to make a big channnnggggge. I didn’t know that I liked to sing and talk so much at the same time, but apparently I do. So we’re gonna go with it.

Have come up with today’s chat in response to having a conversation with three different clients this week about making a big change. Taking a “leap” if you will, because anytime we decide to go after a big, scary goal and really commit to ourselves that we’re going to go do something that we haven’t done before or maybe we haven’t done in a long time—for whatever reason—this thing represents something that we really, really want.

1:00

Because we’re human people, when that happens, a fairly predictable series of thoughts and feelings occur. It’s where our Clever Brain really does its best work. Our Clever Brain, I talk about all the time, is what I call the internal resistance that we have. This perceived fear, these various thoughts and rationales and logics that ultimately slow us down, if not prevent us entirely from making progress.

Why Clever Brain is so effective is because it uses the truth. I was just telling someone this the other day: The best liars are those that base their lies on the truth. And your Clever Brain is an incredible liar. So it will use the truth of who you are, of what you value, of what you most cherish, and then it will spin it in some sort of intellectual construct, as reasons why you can’t have what it is that you want, why you’re not the kind of person that can go after your goal, why it’s not a good time right now—there’s all kinds of things that Clever Brain can do with this.

2:12

So when it comes to you, having this sense—whether it happens gradually over a period of time or it feels like a lightening bolt where you are just sort of struck with this sense of “Ok, it’s really time for me to do this.”

I had that experience a couple years ago where, I felt for the first time like there wasn’t more time for me to waste. I could keep going down the path, I kick it down a year or two down the line and not deal with this fear and not deal with taking this leap. And yet, then I would lose another year or two or more.

2:50

So if you have this sense that “it’s really the time for me to do this. It’s time for me to really commit to going after this goal,“ then there’s a few things that you can do. Because once you have that recognition, it is both exciting and also terrifying, right?

So how do you make that big change? How do you even begin? I hear that from a lot of you, “I don’t know where even to begin with that.” So here’s the first thing I recommend:

First thing is that you want to get still. And you want to quiet down all of the noise that is around you and all of the perceived urgency. There’s this stress response that our body that is very much tied to our nervous system, to our primitive brain. You’ll hear people talk about it as your flight or fight or freeze—that kind of reaction that you really do feel in your body. Because physiologically there are things going on. That aspect is not my area of expertise. Knowing what that *feels* like and then what to do about it—is.

4:00

When you are feeling yourself reacting in your body. When you feel like so much is going on, there’s the pace of daily life, there’s other people in your life, things happening. The thing first to do, in the midst of all of that noise—where you’re recognizing that you really do want to make a change—you gotta first get still. And get really quiet.

That can be as simple as taking a walk. It could be taking a bath. It could be meditation. It could be going for a drive by yourself. It could be, I think Glennon Doyle Melton (or maybe Brené Brown), somebody talks about going in the pantry. That they would go hide in the pantry. That’s fine if you want to hide in the pantry.

4:45

But it’s any place that you can get still and quiet enough to actually hear your own truth, your own wisdom, your own intuition, so that you can start connecting to your—what I call your inner Captain—that part of you that knows what to do. The part of you that is navigating your vessel, through life. Who doesn’t panic when shit gets crazy or stressful. Who remains calm, no matter what’s going on. So first you get quiet, so you can hear yourself, you can hear your own wisdom, your own Captain speaking.

5:25

Then you notice all of the fear. You notice what’s happening in your body, your heart beating faster, maybe feeling the butterflies or the nausea or whatever it is that’s going on when you think about making this change and taking this leap. All this *stuff* that comes up.

I want you to welcome all of it. Welcome all of the fear. All of the thoughts. The “I don’t know how to do this” “I don’t know if I can do this.” “Do I have what it takes to see this all the way through?” “What about the time it’s going to take?” “What about the money?” “Whose going to support me?” All that stuff that comes up.

Again, the best liars are ones that use the truth. Those are all really good questions. They’re relevant questions. And they don’t need to be answered right now. But I want you to welcome them. Welcome the questions, welcome the thoughts, welcome the doubts. All the *stuff* in your body that feels uncomfortable and makes you want to throw up and run away at the same time. It’s part of the process! It is what it is to be a human being. So you get to welcome all of yourself and be with that.

6:36

Then the next thing is you get to choose *just* your next right step. You get to choose to take that next right step from a place of love. You do not need to know how to make the entire big change. You do not need to know the entire plan. You don’t need to know how it’s going to turn out. You don’t need to know where the money’s going to come from. You don’t need to know if you’re really going to be able to do it.

Because that hasn’t happened yet. All that is, is what’s happening right now and going on in the present moment. So the only thing that you need to do is choose: What is the next right step? What is the one thing that I actually can do, based on the knowledge I have right now, the capacity I have right now, what is it that I can do that would move me a little bit closer to this goal?

7:28

Obviously, because I’m a Progress Coach, and I’m obsessed with this stuff and it’s my favorite thing in the world to talk about, I would love for that next right step, for you to reach out and talk to me! Because I believe that I can help you and I can make it a lot easier for you to get where it is that you want to go, faster. So reaching out and just having a initial conversation to see if and how I can help you, would be wonderful next right step. And I have no bones straight up encouraging you to do that.

I would love for you to message me here on Facebook. Comment below and I’d be happy to respond. But let’s have a conversation about that, k?

8:07

So whether it’s a conversation with me or it’s reading a book or it’s talking to somebody who has some experience, whose accomplished something that you want to accomplish, that’s OK! It just needs to be one thing. It’s just your next right step, the one thing you can see in front of you, the one thing that you can actually do. That’s all there is to do. You start *there.* And when you take that step, then you focus on the next right step after that. Or you come to me and I help you figure out the plan and the strategy and how to make it easier and faster and more enjoyable!

8:42

Then I just want to add kind of a long P/S. When I had sent an email a little bit ago to the Tribe and invited them to come to be part of this, I had noted some things. Some kind of Clever Brain-isms, some thoughts that typically come up when we’re thinking about this type of a change, when we’re thinking about a big goal. The one that would be really exciting and also terrifying.

So there’s things that came up for me, when I went through this process—and I’ve heard this many times from working with clients.

9:18

One idea that Clever Brain likes to use in this context is that this shouldn’t be so hard. That going after what it is that you really want, that taking the leap, that making that commitment to yourself, that it shouldn’t be so hard! It’s hard! It’s supposed to be hard, because it’s hard! Because it takes courage.

It is a brave act to choose yourself. To invest in yourself. I talked in a recent chat about how before anybody else gets onboard with your idea, before anybody else can support you, before anybody can celebrate you, *you* have to be the first one to invest in yourself. You have to be the first one to say “yes, I’m going to do this. I don’t know how, but I don’t care. I’m doing it anyways and I’m not going to give up.” Done.

That’s hard. It’s simple and it’s hard. It’s not supposed to be easy. So when your Clever Brain goes on about that, you say, “No, Sweetheart. It is supposed to be hard. And that’s a good thing.”

10:20

Then, this idea that it shouldn’t be so uncomfortable. Uh, yeah! It should be uncomfortable. Because what’s uncomfortable is when we go outside of what is familiar. When you are going to go after a big goal or making a big change, it is innately something that is *outside* of your comfort zone and outside of what you currently can do, based on your current experience, current abilities, current skill set.

So choosing to go outside of that, is deeply uncomfortable. That’s a good sign, when you feel uncomfortable, k?

10:55

Next thing is that the people who love you should understand you and what it is that you’re talking about and what it is that you want to do. No, not necessarily. They *may* which is wonderful and it’s a lovely thing when you do. And they may not get it at all! They don’t need to get it at all.

This is something that is yours. This is your idea, your vision, your responsibility. You are the Captain of your vessel, you’re the only person that can choose this. So, yes—conversations may need to be had. Or conversation may not to be had. Especially in the beginning. Especially when you’re just looking at your next right step.

11:33

If you’re not sure that somebody’s gonna be supportive, then you don’t have to tell them everything right now. You can just let that idea marinate and you can explore it and be experimenting and curious. Without having to make an announcement about this thing that you’re thinking about.

Because again, you’re going outside of your comfort zone. People can love you to every cell of your being and still not understand that. Or be afraid for you, based on their own life experience. So, people who love you do not necessarily need to support it or understand it.

12:05

Another one that Clever Brain likes to use is this idea that it should be obvious—what it is, to do. That if you’re really meant to do this and you really have what it takes to see this through, you should know what’s going on. No! No. Because you’re doing something that’s brave, something that’s new. Somethings that is uncharted.

So it’s perfectly normal for you to not know exactly where to go or for the path to be obvious before you. That’s why we’re just dealing with your next right step. Just one thing.

12:38

More Clever Brain…that you should have a plan! No. Not necessarily. It’s wonderful if you do. But even if you think you have a plan, once you start down that path, you may be adjusting your plan anyhow. You don’t need to know that right now. You don’t need to know that to make a big change.

12:56

Another one is that you should be able to explain this and articulate it and be able to speak about it, to be able to convince other people or sell the idea to other people. That you should really be able to answer questions, when people have them! Not necessarily. It took me a long time to be able to articulate what it is that I wanted to do.

I sometimes only had pieces of it at the time. It may take action, experience and time for you to be able to articulate that. It is not necessary for you to be able to start making that big change.

13:32

Then another *classic* Clever Brain one is that you should already know this. You should know how to do this. You should have figured this out already. You shouldn’t have done what you did. Because how old are you?? You haven’t gotten this yet? You should have learned this the first time. You should have figured this out in college. Or before you took that job. Or before your first marriage—whatever. No!

You cannot know anything before you know it. So, no—you should not already know how to do this. Because you don’t! And that’s OK. Again, you don’t have to do this alone.

14:10

I am here to support you. There are wonderful resources out there. There’s the Internet! There are books. There are people in your life who have some experience in these areas. There’s all kinds of things that are around you and are much more visible to you when you’re not operating under this idea that you should know it already.

Again, all that stuff comes from Clever Brain because Clever Brain has zero interest in you making a big change. Big change is pretty much on par with dying a horrible death, as far as Clever Brain is concerned.

14:45

So don’t worry about that! If you’re having those thoughts, know that that is good. That means you’re a human, that means you’re alive and it means you are seriously considering doing something brave and going after something that matters to you.

So I will say again: Please talk to me about it. Please reach out. This I what I do. This is what I’m best at. This is my favorite thing in the world, which is why I talk about it so often.

15:13

You know, I’ll close with this: I am actually tired right now because right before this, I had such a wonderful conversation with a new client who I *adore* and she was describing this feeling that she has, in terms of this idea and this vision that she has—a new opportunity, a new project—and she’s so excited about it that she feels exhausted. Because she’s had trouble sleeping because the ideas have been coming and the creativity has sort of cracked open.

She really sees herself at the beginning of something amazing. She’s like, “I’m so exhausted but I feel so alive.” And I was like yesssssss! Because that is exactly it! And I was so excited talking to her and so pumped about it and we were just laughing and celebrating about it that now I’m tired as well!

16:03

But I love this kind of tired. It’s a beautiful kind of tired. It’s the kind of tired that I wish for you. Where you’re so excited about what’s possible, about what you’re up to, about the goals that you’re going after that you can’t really contain what is happening.

I’ve seen it again and again—I’ve experienced it myself many times and I want that for you.

So—big change! Whatever it is, I want to hear about it. Comment. Message me and yeah! That’s all I got! I’m still so excited. I need to go take a nap. But love you, Dears. Thank you for being here. Excited to hear what you think about this. Would love to see your comments.

I will look forward to the next time we chat! OK? Alright. Thanks for being with me. Bye!

Now are you ready for that big change?

Tell me all about it.

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